The cold of winter has again descended upon us. Well, probably not as much for most of my readers. But up here in Illinois, it's quite cold! It even snowed on Thanksgiving. Winter is pretty hard for me. I become much more depressed and tired, and keeping up with all my work has definitely become more challenging for me. This last week I had school off except for Monday, and I think it really helped rejuvenate me, but I'm definitely ready to get back into a routine! Even though I'm stressed with all the different commitments that come with the holidays, I'm going to try to rely completely on the Lord for my strength during December and strive to make it to Christmas in one piece.
So, again, I haven't been blogging not because I forgot, but because nothing too exciting is happening in my life. Next semester I will begin prepping for the ACTs (something I've been trying not to think about) and I think we've decided to hold off most college visits until next summer, although I will probably look into scheduling one or two. My grades are fabulous. I have all As and I couldn't be more pleased with how I'm doing. I guess I'm always afraid that they will start going downhill, though. Not auditioning for Starmites was a good choice, but it was hard once the show came around. I remembered how much fun I have in drama club, and everybody said they missed me. So I've decided I will audition for Hairspray. I mean, I've done so well this semester, I think I can handle the pressure of the show. There have been weeks where I had absolutely too much time on my hands after school. And I've already finished my research paper with an A. I think it will all work out fine. I really can't wait for auditions!
There are two main things I need to discuss, and I've already touched on the first one. My depression, tiredness, and business have inevitably had an effect on the passion and spark I felt for God and my purpose in life in the summer. I'm not having doubts or anything, it just really bums me out that I'm letting myself slip away from the intimate relationship I have with God. I know it happens to the best of people, but I am really wanting to throw myself into prayer and worship to have God show me what I need to do. This is somehow easier said than done, however. After all the things I have to do every day or in the early morning before I start getting ready, I'm usually too tired to really pay attention to the scriptures I'm reading or the prayers I'm saying. This will cause me to be unfocused on God throughout the whole day, which is not what I want. I simply want to get back to being completely devoted to God. As I said, this happens to everybody. Any tips on how I can always make my time for prayer and devotional reading during the day meaningful? I can't rely solely on Sundays and Wednesday nights. I am going to start using The Upper Room devotionals, which I really think will help me, to have a specific message and thought to muse on. But I'm open to anything!
The other thing I've been thinking about actually has to do with the vision God is giving me for my future (I'm not completely disconnected from Jesus, I don't want you to get the wrong idea! It's just been so different than this summer, which was life changing). I've been planning on possibly double majoring in music and psychology or whatever I think will best help me do God's work with children. I wanted at first to include music simply because I'm passionate about it and don't want to stop studying it, but I've been wondering if I shouldn't include music in my mission. It's just food for thought. But music has the ability to change lives, and it's definitely a gift the Lord has given me; why not use the gift to change the lives of children? I sure hope I can.
Well. First of all, I totally get where you're coming from about winter. It happens to me too, every year. But you better keep it together, because you are due down here 2 days after Christmas!! haha just kidding(:
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy doing Hairspray again!
About losing touch will God, a little: I am there. This summer was life changing. I mean, I didn't discover my call- I think I know already, it's been growing for a while- but I don't want to lose the feeling I had at church camp this summer. God reminded me that he was all I need, and I am desperately trying to keep that in my heart. I don't know if this will help you- this is some really small stuff- but I like to do little things to keep Him in mind. I pray, constantly-just little things. Thank you's and wishes and Get better soon's. And right now, I'm reading a book about the birth of the Messiah. It's good to find things like that, that can remind you of His scripture and his words all throughout the day. That might not help, but it hopefully will.
As for the music thing, I would not drop the idea from your mind. Music benefits you every way possible, and if you love it, why drop it? However, you might want to minor in it when it comes time to choose your major. But honestly, ask God. He will tell you in your heart.(:
On the staying in touch with God thing, I agree with Marianne. I "talk" to God throughout my day--just little things most of the time, like praying for the people involved when I hear sirens, or asking for wisdom and guidance before I respond to someone I'm trying to help. I find that this reminds me that God really IS with me always, helping me with whatever I'm doing. I also must confess that my most focused prayer time occurs in the shower and as I get ready in the morning. It's quiet, no one interupts me, and it starts my day on the right note!
ReplyDeleteAs for the music, I believe firmly that God gives us very specific gifts with the intention that we use them as part of his plan. I think that's one of the ways he intends us to find our direction, but of course, we can thwart him by ignoring his calling. That's what I did when I turned my back on the idea of becoming a teacher to go to law school instead. It then took me 20 years to get back on what I believe is the path he intended for me. So my advice is to pay close attention to your gifts. I believe you have been gifted with music and with a passionate, loving heart, along with many other things. Continue to develop these as you walk with God and you can't go wrong!
Love, Mom