Plan your work, work your plan

That's something one of my good friend's dad says to her, and I find it humerous. But I definitely worked my plan this semester! Here are my final semester grades after taking my finals, which went EXTREMELY well.

Honors English Literature: 97.88%
Trigonometry: 91.45%
Honors Astronomy: 94.62%
Honors US History: 92.29%
Honors Spanish 3: 97.94%

My honors choir grade is not complete yet, we've been so busy with Madrigal until this week! But as of now, it's a 98.59%. I'm confident I aced the final and I think that my choral arrangement (one of the extra assignments I have to do for it to be an honors class) was really good, especially for my first one! It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I also feel like I can handle more activities next semester. I just have to stay driven!

Well, merry Christmas to all!

Work, work, work!

No, the title of this post is not due to the fact that I am working my butt off in school right now (not that that isn't the case either). I actually have some very exciting news! Two pieces of new, in fact, both having to do with possible jobs in my future. I'll start with the less exciting one so you have to read the entire post. :)

I was walking down the staircase at school the other day when I suddenly noticed something odd. There was actually a flyer up on the Employment bulletin board! I'm pretty sure I've never seen anything there, especially in this economic climate. I walked up to it and it said that Papa Murphy's (which hasn't opened yet) was looking for about 15 part time employees. It was one of those flyers with the little tabs that you take off. I took one and emailed the owner of this alledged Papa Murphy's a few days later. She promptly replied with an application and information about the franchise--basically a Subway but with pizza--and I promptly sent the filled out application back to her! This afternoon she called me and we set up an interview! So naturally, I am quite excited. I've been wanting a job for a while.

Now, the even MORE exciting news. On Thanksgiving break I emailed the director of Street Reach, the organization that my mission trip was affiliated with, asking about how to apply for junior staff. Well, he recently sent me an enthusiastic reply, application attached, telling me all about what I'd have to do. It sounded like it was very possible for me to get a summer job there! Maybe it's just because he's a nice guy, but I think that this really is what God has planned for me. You see, he took a little while to email me back, and I was beginning to think of other summer activities I could be doing. Now get this; when I got that email, I was watching one of my favorite movies, Freedom Writers (also one of my favorite books), which is about a teacher who is working with inner city kids and changing their life. I do not cease to be amazed at how God sends messages to me through media! I was so excited, and I'm completely reinvigorated to spend my summer in Memphis. (By the way, in his email he explained that he thought he had already replied but it apparently hadn't gone through. So that also boosted my confidence!) I have the application filled out and I'm going to work on the personal sketch and essay over Christmas break.

I am feeling God's sunshine in my heart once more. Thank you for those who have been advising and praying for me. I love you all! God bless you!

P.S. I just reread the post I wrote after my mission trip, and I must say it brought tears to my eyes! Please pray that God continues to show me what His purpose for my life is! I honestly cannot wait to start His work.

A Hazy Shade of Winter

The cold of winter has again descended upon us. Well, probably not as much for most of my readers. But up here in Illinois, it's quite cold! It even snowed on Thanksgiving. Winter is pretty hard for me. I become much more depressed and tired, and keeping up with all my work has definitely become more challenging for me. This last week I had school off except for Monday, and I think it really helped rejuvenate me, but I'm definitely ready to get back into a routine! Even though I'm stressed with all the different commitments that come with the holidays, I'm going to try to rely completely on the Lord for my strength during December and strive to make it to Christmas in one piece.

So, again, I haven't been blogging not because I forgot, but because nothing too exciting is happening in my life. Next semester I will begin prepping for the ACTs (something I've been trying not to think about) and I think we've decided to hold off most college visits until next summer, although I will probably look into scheduling one or two. My grades are fabulous. I have all As and I couldn't be more pleased with how I'm doing. I guess I'm always afraid that they will start going downhill, though. Not auditioning for Starmites was a good choice, but it was hard once the show came around. I remembered how much fun I have in drama club, and everybody said they missed me. So I've decided I will audition for Hairspray. I mean, I've done so well this semester, I think I can handle the pressure of the show. There have been weeks where I had absolutely too much time on my hands after school. And I've already finished my research paper with an A. I think it will all work out fine. I really can't wait for auditions!

There are two main things I need to discuss, and I've already touched on the first one. My depression, tiredness, and business have inevitably had an effect on the passion and spark I felt for God and my purpose in life in the summer. I'm not having doubts or anything, it just really bums me out that I'm letting myself slip away from the intimate relationship I have with God. I know it happens to the best of people, but I am really wanting to throw myself into prayer and worship to have God show me what I need to do. This is somehow easier said than done, however. After all the things I have to do every day or in the early morning before I start getting ready, I'm usually too tired to really pay attention to the scriptures I'm reading or the prayers I'm saying. This will cause me to be unfocused on God throughout the whole day, which is not what I want. I simply want to get back to being completely devoted to God. As I said, this happens to everybody. Any tips on how I can always make my time for prayer and devotional reading during the day meaningful? I can't rely solely on Sundays and Wednesday nights. I am going to start using The Upper Room devotionals, which I really think will help me, to have a specific message and thought to muse on. But I'm open to anything!

The other thing I've been thinking about actually has to do with the vision God is giving me for my future (I'm not completely disconnected from Jesus, I don't want you to get the wrong idea! It's just been so different than this summer, which was life changing). I've been planning on possibly double majoring in music and psychology or whatever I think will best help me do God's work with children. I wanted at first to include music simply because I'm passionate about it and don't want to stop studying it, but I've been wondering if I shouldn't include music in my mission. It's just food for thought. But music has the ability to change lives, and it's definitely a gift the Lord has given me; why not use the gift to change the lives of children? I sure hope I can.

Brave New World

You probably thought I forgot about blogging, but I DIDN'T! So there!

I just haven't had much to say, but I figure that I need to let everyone know how school has been going for the last month. I would probably sum it up in these two words: surprisingly well! I have fabulous teachers. They are all funny and talented, and I like them all as people. I am making friends in all of my classes and never feel lonely. And even though my workload is heavy, it really isn't too difficult. But that has a lot to do with the fact that I did not audition for Starmites. I'm doing publicity, and I am quite content. It's so incredibly wonderful to be able to do a few after school activities, work out, do homework, and still have a few hours of free time! I'm also getting the oppurtunity to try out a lot of new clubs, including Key Club, Interact (of which I am an officer), and possibly Global Ambassadors, which are all service oriented clubs; Spanish Club, which I did last year but didn't have any time for once Peter Pan came along second semester; and Project: Fashion, my best friend Paige's new fashion club that is starting tomorrow!

The hardest part about the last month has been my research paper. In Honors English Lit, we do it at the very beginning of the year because the class is mostly seniors, and my teacher knows they will only become less motivated as the year progresses. But I turned in my rough draft last Friday, which essentially means the work is over. Apparently, my teacher tears apart rough drafts; but this is good, because when I get it back, all I'll really have to do is make the corrections. My research paper is a literary analysis of the book Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. The research wasn't that bad, because I found Huxley's life and his novel very
fascinating.

So, my loving family, thank you for your prayers. I was beyond worried about this year, but it has truly been going amazingly well. I am much happier right now than I ever was last year. So, I probably won't post for a while (this blog is focused on my future, afterall) but I'm always happy to email, Facebook, or write letters!

Junior Year

My summer is coming to an end. This has by far been the best summer I've had in my short 16 years. My heart has been touched by God in so many ways, and He has shown me His plan for me. So please, pray that I use the strength and confidence He gave me this summer, and all the good memories with my friends, to have a wonderful and successful school year. School starts on Tuesday, so this has been on my mind. This summer has been character shaping for me, and I don't want to fall back into the same routines I had before.

Here's my schedule, so you have an idea of what my classes are like! Although I don't want summer to end, I have to admit, I'm a little excited to be starting my junior year.

1st Honors Astronomy

2nd Honors English Literature

3rd Honors US History

4th Trigonometry (1st semester) Pre Calculus (2nd semester)

5th Honors MPS Chamber Singers :D

6th Honors Spanish 3


Again, please pray for me! Thanks and God bless you all!

My Kind of Town, Chicago Is

Last night I got home from my fantastic Chicago trip! I really got a chance to bond with the other AIT kids; especially Olivia, a girl I'm good friends with who is a year above me at my school and in my choir this year, and the AIT kids who I didn't know as well but will be in the program again this year. There were many laughs and jokes and naps in the car and it was all around a wonderful experience.

But of course what I specifically want to mention is the college visits we took. We toured the music schools of Northwestern, DePaul, and Roosevelt University. They were all really interesting and cool, but from getting a taste of all 3, Northwestern is still top choice. Roosevelt has a music conservatory, which is not what I'm looking for. I want to study music in college but since I don't want to have a musical career, I need the whole college oppurtunity. That brings up something I forgot to mention in my last post. Northwestern not only offers but encourages students and especially music students to double major or even do the dual degree program. A third of their music students are involved in those programs, and this is something I'm really interested. The dual degree is different from a double major. It takes five years rather than four, but you actually receive two degrees, rather than one degree with two majors. This also means that, while applying, even if you don't get into the music school, you still have the chance to be accepted into the other school you applied for. This is good for me, because even if Northwestern didn't accept me into the music school, I'd still want to go there. DePaul University offers all this, but it is not common and not encouraged. Their vocal program is also a little too competitve for what I'm looking for, but their music school is very good. I loved the campus, because even though it was right in Chicago there were different buildings and a campus vibe, but I'm not interested in what DePaul has to offer me.

So that's that! Northwestern is still looking really great, and I feel like I can study music there without having to go on with it as a career. I believe that I'm visiting U of I next week, so there will probably be lots more to tell you about soon! Till then, God bless you!

Purple Haze

I've had a hard time writing this post, but it's long overdue! I visited Northwestern University back in June and it was simply... perfect. I honestly had no complaints, and I loved everything I saw and heard. Actually, that's why I've had trouble with this post. Because it's basically going to be me ranting on and on about how wonderful Northwestern is! Not having visited any other colleges yet, I can't really compare it's perfectness to other schools. So I don't really know how much I love it. However, I do know that it's an amazing school that will be near the top of my list no matter what.

Where to begin? I guess one thing that I really like about Northwestern is all the oppurtunities they offer in your education. Enrichment oppurtunities. Northwestern is one of the top schools in the country, but it doesn't stick its nose up at working and job experiences. They get you smack dab in the middle of the "real world" by offering various iternships and workshops. The journalism school, for example, has its classes set up their own newspaper with a real office (they use run down buildings in Chicago) and the students go out and report stories happening around that neighborhood. They also send their students to an internship to any number of magazines, newspapers, or television stations. They offer study abroad, something that I'm really interested in. And what I didn't realize is that people don't just study abroad for the language that they take! I can choose any country they offer to study abroad, which will probably be good for what I eventually want to do with my life (mission work). The music school approaches their students at a conservatory level, but you still have to take other classes. Northwestern has everything to offer me, which is great because I don't know what I want to major and minor in yet. But if I go to Northwestern, everything I'm interested in will have a strong program. Their music school is extremely good, they have one of the best pshycology programs, they have the best journalism school in the country, etc. I could go their with an undecided major and feel safe, because I know that I can get a fabulous education no matter what I decide.

The setting also really appealed to me. To those of you who don't know, Northwestern University is located in Evanston, IL. It's about 12 miles away from Chicago. That in itself is awesome! It's really cheap to get over to Chicago, and it doesn't take long at all. And even though Northwestern has an urban setting, it's not as if it's in Chicago. It's in Evanston. So you are in a city. There are streets and other people and buildings and stores. But there's also a lot of trees and walking space. There's even a beach! Northwestern is right on Lake Michigan, which I just think is the coolest thing ever. There's a mix of new and old buildings. It's not too small, but not too large; you can easily walk to anywhere on campus, but it still gives you a nice workout. It's exactly the kind of campus I can picture myself at, a blend of everything. Big and small, landscape and streets.

An obvious pro for Northwestern is that it's in state. Only about 5 hours away from home, I would definitely have the away from home experience, but I could easily get home if I needed to, and I would be able to visit for more than just Christmas. In state tuition is also something I'm looking for, because I want as much financial aid as humanly possible for my college career. Northwestern offers great financial aid; its students graduate with the least debt of any of the Big 10 schools. They also admit students without knowledge of their financial situation, so that they really are letting in the people that deserve it and then helping as needed.

This will sound cheesy, but the final reason that I went crazy for Northwestern is the people I saw there. They seemed like the kind of people I could be friends with. Dumb, right? All of those students could have been horrible people, just acting nice to prospective students. It's not dumb to me, though. I am a reserved person. I'm not that girl who can make friends with everyone she talks to. I wish I were, but that's just not me. I have a small number of very deep connections, and don't connect well with most people. The people at Northwestern seemed like people I would like; artsy, smart, motivated (you have to work to go to Northwestern; it's a seriously good school), goofy, and genuinely good people. This really is important for me, because without friends, college is going to be really hard for me. And my gut insticts about people tend to be correct.

There are a million other little details that made me fall in love with Northwestern, but if I listed all of them, this post would turn into a novella! Again, I can't judge how much I like it compared to other schools, but that's about to change. Tomorrow I am leaving on a 3 day, 2 night trip to Chicago with the Artists-in-Training (the singing program I'm in). We are seeing an opera, going to Navy Pier, eating Chicago style pizza, taking an architectural boat tour, all those fun Chicago things. But we're also visiting Depaul University, Roosevelt University, and Northwestern! I will take plenty of notes and really pay close attention. I'm truly becoming interested in all that college has to offer me. My future seems so full of oppurtunities, I can barely contain my excitement! Just thinking about possible majors and career choices makes me feel all warm inside. I've never felt so excited about my future before this summer, and I know it's because God has showed me what His purpose in my life for. It makes me want to take a hold on every oppurtunity possible.

So wish me luck for the next 3 days! I'll make sure to tell y'all about it this weekend.

Street Reach

Matthew 9: 37-38 "Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."

Mark 10: 14-15 "But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it."

Yes, I said that when I got home I would tell you about Northwestern. And I will. But there's something so much more important on my heart at this time! It concerns the mission trip I just took to Memphis, TN, and so much more. I want to share with you what God has been telling me and leading me towards. So, I'm actually going to start this story a few months back. Perhaps April or March. This is the first time I'm truly opening up and voicing these feelings, so you should feel pretty special!

I've wanted to do a lot of things when I grow up. I've wanted to be an actress, singer, writer, psychologist, marine biologist, journalist, photographer, director-- the list goes on and on. But a few months ago, I started getting this feeling. Not an uneasy feeling; just an unsatisfying one. It wasn't about what I was doing at the time, rather about my plans for the future. I started to feel that I would never be satisfied if I was not doing God's work. Now, this didn't worry me; it was just a completely different direction.

Then, I got bad news. Something I really haven't talked about. Camp Ondessonk informed me that I wasn't hired for the summer. I was devastated. My mom asked if I wanted to pray about it, and she said that God probably had something else in store for me this summer. I wanted to believe that that was true, but I couldn't see any benefits of not being hired. I didn't get mad at God, but I didn't pray with her. I was too sad, and I foolishly didn't go to Him for comfort and advice.

Over the course of a few weeks, I got to the point where I could not think about camp. It still made me extremely sad when I did, but I could mostly ignore the thoughts. Keep in mind that I was still developing that dissatisfied feeling mentioned earlier. At this point, there were a couple of little clues that led me towards what God was wanting me to open my eyes to. I saw the movie The Blind Side (a rich, southern woman takes in an extremely athletic, teenage boy from the projects in Memphis and is able to provide him with a future), and it was very inspiring to me! But the boy, Michael, was not the only person who inspired me. The character Leigh Anne, the mother who adopted Michael, really left an impression on me. Her unconditional love and the way she did her Christian duty are things that I want to incorporate in my life at all times. It made me think that one day, I might want to adopt children and help children who are living in poor neighborhoods and countries. The next influence was a book, The Kite Runner. It was a sad, but hopeful, book. The sadness and horrible things that happened to mere children in that book really touched my heart and tore me apart. Again, I thought that I should help children. Not like teaching or social work, but mission work.

Now, you may see where the problem in these clues lie. I was unsure that they were really messages from God, because they were in movies and books. I always get hung up on movies and books. Heck, I'd like to go to Hogwarts, but that's certainly not a calling from God! So no, I was not denying God; I just wanted to be sure.

How to be sure? Well, this is where the mission trip comes in. As you may or may not have known before reading this post, last week (Sunday through Friday) I was in Memphis, TN with my youth group. We were working with Street Reach Ministries. Street Reach is run by a church in a bad area of Memphis, Brinkley Heights. The people at this church have huge hearts and are only concerned to help people and do God's work. Basically, they have 8 sites set up around the area for Bible Clubs. These clubs go from 10-12:30 on Mondays-Fridays, and youth groups from all around the country come each week to take on one or more sites, running the Bible Club. Our own group took two sites, Whittier and Kendrick (based on street names that these lots were on). Our kids split up, but my music partners and I went to both sites so we could all do music with both groups. Each day, you have to walk around the streets and knock on doors to ask people if they will let their kids come to Bible Club. And these kids are allowed to (one of the biggest culture shocks I noticed), even if the parents haven't heard of Street Reach before. But it is so important for these kids to come. You see, this is what I learned about children who may have uncaring parents or nowhere to sleep; all they want, the only thing they want, is love. Wow. You have to really think about that. I mean, we take so much for granted. We know that we have parents and siblings and friends who love us; we worry about having the newest, nicest clothes and technology. We know that there is food at home, where as some of these kids come to Bible Club because of the free lunch they receive. We know that we live in a nice neighborhood and can sleep peacefully at night, while these children, some as young as 3 or 4, are roaming the streets in the middle of the night, looking for their mother. Love, the most important thing in the world, is taken for granted by us.

I probably need to make a long story short, because this post is already insanely long. I fell in love with these kids the moment I met them. Every one of them, because they are innocent and starving for love. How could I not love them? And last week is when I finally felt completely confident that God is calling me to do His work with my life. Because it's not about me; it's about all His children. He loves all of us equally and without exceptions. So that's what I want to do with my life; I want to spread God's love to the world, particularly children. I'm not sure what exactly I will do, but I still have a lot of time to figure it out, and I'm praying for God to keep guiding me. I feel brand new now. I've had Jesus Christ in my heart, but now I have actually accepted to live my life for Him, in all ways.

It comes down to love. Because when you love those kids, those kids who are starving for love, when you share God's love with them, their face lights up. And that is literally the best feeling in the world.

Here's a Street Reach slideshow from the week we were there:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F6mG0fMoas&feature=player_embedded

Check In

I have officially gone on my first college visit! I toured Northwestern yesterday, and I can't wait to tell you all about it-- but I can't. This is my one day home between the visit and my mission trip to Memphis! So I unfortunately don't have time to write a whole long post about the experience. I'm sorry, but I am going to keep you in suspense for about a week.
Did she like it, or not?!?!

Also, if you haven't commented on my previous post, I would love hearing what you think. Thanks!

To be, or not to be

That is the question! A question that has been starting to be present in my thoughts at all times. Well, not that question specifically. It was just a clever post title. Really, I'm debating my involvement in drama club. SHOCKING, I know. I haven't shared this thought with anyone yet, so what better place to vent about it then my blog?

Now, the main reason I'm considering not auditioning for one or both of the shows is because of the time commitment involved in drama club. There was a time, in 8th grade, that I seriously wanted to sing and act on Broadway. Of course, that would still be an amazing thing to be able to do. But let's get real; it would be extremely difficult to be cast in a Broadway show, and more importantly, I want to have a family some day. Being an actress is not exactly the job I want when I'm raising kids, and I wouldn't want to live in New York. And once I started high school, I realized something that I couldn't in middle school; that my love for music and my love for theatre are two completely different things. In middle school, they were kind of grouped together. Now I know that music is the more important one, the thing I will never let go of. Something I might really want to pursue in college. I still love theatre, I really do; but it's just something I love to do for fun now. It's not necessarily something I need in my life.

This all relates to the time commitment issue in the way that I don't know if I want to spend SO much time on something that's more of a hobby. I also can't afford to do badly in school just because I don't have a lot of time to do my homework. If I didn't do drama club, I could do so much better on homework and papers and tests, I could look in to other clubs that I can’t do with rehearsal every day after school until 5:00, and I could focus more on my endeavors in music. I also get extremely stressed out during the school year, sometimes to the point of me breaking down crying. I don’t know if I can explain to you just how much more time I would have without drama club. It is a ridiculous amount of time. I can do homework, exercise, watch TV, take a nap, and still have a few hours left before it’s time to hit the hay. It is truly wonderful. And if I were to quit drama, I would still stay involved through publicity; a fun branch of drama club that only meets once a week, and I have a lot of close friends who do it.

That’s another thing about drama; the friendships. I certainly do have friends in drama, and I do have a great time; I don’t want you to worry about that. But unlike some people in drama, drama club is not my life. My best friends are not involved in drama (like I said, some are in publicity, but my group of close girlfriends are diverse; we have athletes, musicians, brains, etc.) and I spend my free time with them, not the drama kids. This sometimes makes me feel disconnected to the drama club kids.

I say all this, but it would be extremely hard for me to quit drama. I really do love it, and I have great experiences with the shows and people involved. I’m also worried about becoming lazy; at least drama keeps me busy, which is better than having nothing to do. And although music is my passion, I honestly adore being on stage, getting in costume, dancing in character, creeping backstage. All of it.

So what’s a girl to do?

A New Journey

So, my friends, here we are again. Back to the good old days of blogging. I hope you will forgive my absence and give me one more try. For you see, I now have a more specific purpose for blogging. In a few weeks, I am going on my first college visit. I'm going to Northwestern University, and I couldn't be more excited. I'm also starting my junior year of high school in a few months, which, in my eyes, is the year where it all gets serious (not that I haven't been working hard up to this point, of course). I will be looking for colleges, preparing for my ACTs, and taking almost all honors classes. On top of all that, next month I'll be driving and in November I'm turning 17... it's crazy how quickly I'm growing up! I am highly aware of how fast time flies by, and I feel a sudden urge to document my life. So yes, this will be similar to my old blogs. But now I have a focus; I specifically want to chronicle my journey through college visits, school experiences, and major life changes. As Ferris Bueller said, "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." I don't want you, my loving family, to miss out on a single thing.

Now, I need to address two things.

First, my muse. I have to say that I was going to start writing in a private journal to document these next few months, years, whatever. But what good is that? I wouldn't keep up with it, and nobody else could read it. Well, just as all these thoughts of growing up were really starting to take up all the extra space in my head (which is quite a lot, now that school is over) I read my cousin Marianne's blog. Particularly her literature blog. And goodness, was I impressed! She writes beautifully. As soon as I read her blogs, I knew what I had to do. I had to start blogging for myself (again).

And lastly, I must explain the title of this blog. The Narrow Gate is derived from scripture, Matthew 7: 13-14:

"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few that find it."

I love that. It really speaks to me. Ever since I read this in the Bible, I have tried to live by it. And I think it makes perfect sense for this blog. You see, this blog is all about me growing up and finding my place in the world. I am constantly thinking about college and jobs, but more than anything, my goal is to live like Jesus and do God's will. I know He will lead me in the right direction, and I am willing to take the narrow gate in order to do my Christian duty above all else. In doing this, I know I can count myself as part of the few who find life.